Philosophical Mumbo Jumbo vs. Faith

Its getting harder to distinguish between the 2 once exposed to different ppl, books, advice. Sometimes, most people are way better off just not listening to anyone or not seeking advice from anyone or anything.

I mean there is one book saying "Ask and you shall receive...Visualize it and it will be yours", and another saying "Expect nothing and you can only be pleasantly surprised" (which was my motto for a long time and still is). Then my faith plays a role since its something I knew since I was a baby -- God has a plan for us, and if things don't go a certain way, its for a reason. Trust God will do right by you in the long run.

What is a girl to do -- in the cases I mentioned (a) Visualize (b) Don't expect your wish to come true and b/c of that it just might [sounds weird but I swear it works for me way too much to be coincidence] (c) Pray & trust. Off the bat, (a) and (b) contradict each other. I try to do (c) but end up forgetting in the moment of anxiety.

You can look at it in another way:
(A) is more hopeful, almost forceful (you HAVE to believe that you already have what it is you want)
(B) is more pessimistic but slightly realistic (in my world)
(C) needs work on my part

[20 mins later]

SOMETHING is WRONG W/ ME!!
I CANNOT FOCUS!! on anything! Even my own thoughts feel like they are fluttering elsewhere.. like they have A.D.H.D (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).

I try to see if I can find the source of my busy, unrestful thoughts:
1) Is something wrong at home? No
2) Is something wrong at the job? No
3) Is something wrong w/ someone I love? No
... Oh I figured it out...
4) Am I learning new things about myself so much so that they force my own personality/mind to change, adapt, and eventually become slightly unrecognizable? Yes
5) Do I notice new thoughts/ideas/goals that creep up on me and make me feel as if my mind was prepubescent all these years I thought I was a fully-developed adult? Yes
6) Could it be that 25 yrs is changing how I think, see the world, see others, see myself? Possibly

*Ding!* Bingo!

Crap.

Thoughts so random

I realized I really like football out of all the other sports. It's exciting. I just regret not really knowing anything about the teams and players where I can really get into it. I find myself watching football when forced to (i.e. in a bar with a huge tv in front of me), understanding the basics, and cheering for whichever team gets a touchdown/down/interception/sack. I guess I like the sport, but don't love it (yet?).

I want to get back into piano. I know I've said this a gazillion times, but I am thinking about once-a-week piano lessons. I did it before for like 5 years and for $20 per lesson from this student-teacher who was a good teacher. I see it as a hobby, something different that would take up my time, and a form of release from any aggression I feel. I used to think the gym would help me deal w/ stress and aggression, but nope! So I'm hoping some angry piano playing will help.

It's amazing how my moods can vary where sometimes I don't recognize it too much. For instance, yesterday and a little bit of today, I sat in Starbucks w/ my coffee listening to classical music blasting on my iPod. I don't want to listen to any other type of music at this moment, just classical.

Goal for today: Get my butt to the gym after 3 weeks of slacking off.

Joaquin's Highlights of the Philippines

I'm probably still in vacation mode - lazy and thinking I also have to be doing something. For example, I woke up on this beautiful sunny Sunday morning like "oh no what am I going to do today?". In the Philippines, we always had plans for each day to make the best and most of our stay. But I just thought about it and I don't have to do anything today. I can relax!! I just loaded up the washing machine, put on some soothing Alicia Keys (btw her As I Am album is pretty good), curl up w/ PJs on the couch, and update you on some stuff.

I know I promised you pics of the Philippines, but my brother made a DVD slide show and I have no clue how to save the images as pics. So I'll get back to you on that.

In the meantime, let me list Joaquin's highlights of a first-timer in the Philippines:
-the long ass flight (you made it all 16 hours of it babe! hehe)
-6 hour road trip to Baguio
-Balut!! "It's like fear factor but without getting paid" LOL (Damn I have to show you those pics!)
-Living & feeling like a movie star, & the attention received
-3 manicures in less than 2 weeks (1 manicure in the park)
-Hair spa & Massages.. Mmmm...
-Jeepneys & Tricycle rides
-Boracay's gorgeous clear waters and school of fishes swimming around your ankles
-The beach wedding, everyone in white, beautiful
-Water sports: Snorkeling, Scuba Diving, Banana boat
-Romantic getaway (walks on the beach holding hands, seeing the stars)
-Dinners/Lunches on the beach (while you're eating, you can dig your toes into the powdery soft sand)
-"Can't keep up with Filipino eating habits... you guys eat 10 times a day!! What's going on!?" -Joaquin
-Family time (getting closer and feeling comfy)
-Bargaining
-Mom's laugh & Dad's high blood

Some of the small things I thought were big:
-My brothers and sister greeting Joaquin "Welcome to the Philippines!!" while we were still in the Philippine airport.
-Dad & Joaquin going to the driving range
-Joaquin pinching my brother's nipples and gas wars w/ my other brother
-Conversation in the car (going home from the mall) that made me miss how cooky my dad is
Going home went something like this:
Din: Grandpa! No U-Turn!
Dad (aka Din's grandpa): I'm U-Turning!!
Me: Daddy, make the left A/C vent point away from Din
Dad: [fixes right vent]
Me: LEFT vent, LEFT vent!
Dad: [fixes right vent]
Me: You're other left!
Dad: Turning LEFT!
Joaquin: [cracks up once he realizes what's going on] The left vent.
Din: [laughing] Don't turn left, we're going to go back to the mall!


So there are the highlights from what Joaquin said.
So if you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Birthday Reflections - Blessings

So I turned 25 in another country! Actually, no, let me brag about this a little -- I turned 25 in the beautiful Philippine Resort of Boracay. The beaches are breathless, the people are crazy nice, the experiences/entire 2-week vacation was undescribably awesome, food took me (and my diet) away, and the family surrounding me was a blessing.

I'm 25 -- yikes. Damn. .. Wow.

I'm kinda re-directing my thoughts on my future at this point (more than I'd like to admit. Almost/Borderline worrisome). It's a blessing to be where I am at professionally, but I might have some ideas...

Anway, I'm seeing pictures of other bdays celebrated in NY and all the other friends that participated and it feels bittersweet: I'm so happy they had a ball with everyone out here, but at the same time, I'm kinda sad I missed out on the festivities. I cannot be too sad, b/c like I said, I was in a paradise of my own on Nov. 13 with almost all my loved ones. Oh well, we can't have everything, right? ;-) The important thing is to count my blessings and I will never have enough fingers (real and imaginary) to count ALL the blessings I have in my life.

Happy belated Turkey Day! Another day celebrating what we each have in our lives to be grateful for.. I was too busy stuffing my face and cleaning up my apt to greet ya'll on actual Thanksgiving.

I have sooo much to update you on re: Philippines and pictures. Those will come next. Stay tuned!!!

Happy Birthday, Alena! (Nov. 12)
Happy Birthday, Din! (Nov. 12)
Happy Birhday, Shell! (Nov. 15)
Happy Birthday, Pris! (Nov. 23)
Happy Birthday, baby! (Nov. 24)
Happy Birthday, Titus! (Nov. 24)

... Whew! I can breathe now ... lol