Its getting harder to distinguish between the 2 once exposed to different ppl, books, advice. Sometimes, most people are way better off just not listening to anyone or not seeking advice from anyone or anything.
I mean there is one book saying "Ask and you shall receive...Visualize it and it will be yours", and another saying "Expect nothing and you can only be pleasantly surprised" (which was my motto for a long time and still is). Then my faith plays a role since its something I knew since I was a baby -- God has a plan for us, and if things don't go a certain way, its for a reason. Trust God will do right by you in the long run.
What is a girl to do -- in the cases I mentioned (a) Visualize (b) Don't expect your wish to come true and b/c of that it just might [sounds weird but I swear it works for me way too much to be coincidence] (c) Pray & trust. Off the bat, (a) and (b) contradict each other. I try to do (c) but end up forgetting in the moment of anxiety.
You can look at it in another way:
(A) is more hopeful, almost forceful (you HAVE to believe that you already have what it is you want)
(B) is more pessimistic but slightly realistic (in my world)
(C) needs work on my part
[20 mins later]
SOMETHING is WRONG W/ ME!!
I CANNOT FOCUS!! on anything! Even my own thoughts feel like they are fluttering elsewhere.. like they have A.D.H.D (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).
I try to see if I can find the source of my busy, unrestful thoughts:
1) Is something wrong at home? No
2) Is something wrong at the job? No
3) Is something wrong w/ someone I love? No
... Oh I figured it out...
4) Am I learning new things about myself so much so that they force my own personality/mind to change, adapt, and eventually become slightly unrecognizable? Yes
5) Do I notice new thoughts/ideas/goals that creep up on me and make me feel as if my mind was prepubescent all these years I thought I was a fully-developed adult? Yes
6) Could it be that 25 yrs is changing how I think, see the world, see others, see myself? Possibly
*Ding!* Bingo!
Crap.
No comments:
Post a Comment