2.24.2008
2.18.2008
Eat, Pray, Love
-by Elizabeth Gilbert
If you can read through this entry, thank you, and go pick up the book.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
"We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something." (pg. 277)
"There is so much of my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction...I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life - whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can't rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I'm feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook)...And most of all, I can choose my thoughts." (pg. 177)
"I have searched frantically for contentment for so many years in so many ways, and all these acquisitions and accomplishments - they run you down in the end. Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time - when pursued like a bandit - will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you...you gotta let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you." (pg. 155)
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings." (pg. 260)
"I tell her how she has to let go, man, how she's gotta learn that everything is just perfect as it is already, that the universe provides, baby." (pg. 297)
"Sex is funny...Make people do funny things...at the beginning of love. Wanting too much happiness, to much pleasure, until you make yourself sick. Lose balance...To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." (pg. 298)
"...all the pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define our experience and those words bring attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras (I'm a failure... I'm lonely... I'm a failure...) and we become monuments to them. " (pg. 325)
"After all, baby, remember what they say - sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." (pg. 189)
"I knew that i was not finished for good, that my anger, my sadness and my shame would all creep back eventually, escaping my heart, and occupying my head once more. I knew that I would have to keep dealing with these thoughts again and again until I slowly and determinedly changed my whole life. And that this would be difficult and exhausting to do." (pg. 328)
"You ego's job isn't to serve you. Its only job is to keep itself in power...So your ego's fighting for its life, playing with your mind, trying to assert its authority, trying to keep you cornered off in a holding pen away from the rest of the universe. Don't listen to it." (pg. 140)
"And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin' her way" (pg. 151)
"You make some big grandiose decision about what you need to do, or who you need to be, and then circumstances arise that immediately reveal to you how little you understood about yourself." (pg. 191)
"Over the centuries, people have tried to hold on to that state of blissful perfection through all sorts of external means - through drugs and sex and power and adrenaline and the accumulation of pretty things - but it doesn't keep. We search for happiness everywhere...Your treasure - your perfection - is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart." (pg. 197)
"The other objective of religion, of course, is to try to make sense of our chaotic world and explain the inexplicabilities we see playing our here on earth every day: the innocent suffer, the wicked are rewarded - what are we to make of all this? ... The best we can do, then, in response to our incomprehensible and dangerous world, is to practice holding equilibrium internally - no matter what insanity is transpiring out there." (pg. 206)
This is for Kuya Charlton: "Traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt...to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal an constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless newborn baby - I just don't care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it's mine." (pg. 41)
"But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas present for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." (pg. 65)
"He says all Americans are like this: repressed. Which makes them dangerous and potentially deadly when they do blow up." (pg. 58)
"My mother has made choices in her life, as we all must, and she is at peace with them. I can see her peace...Maybe some things were sacrificed, and my dad made his sacrifices, too - but who amongst us lives without sacrifice? And the question now for me is, What are my choices to be? What do I believe that i deserve in this life? Where can I accept sacrifice, and where can I not?" (pg. 83)
"To find the balance you want...you must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God." (pg. 27)
"[Heaven is] Beautiful. Everything beautiful is there. Every person beautiful is there. Everything beautiful to eat is there. Everything is love there. Heaven is love." (pg. 261)
"Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." (pg. 285)
"Different school of thought over the centuries have found different explanations for man's apparently inherently flawed state. Taoists call it imbalance, Buddism calls it ignorance, Islam blames our misery on rebellion against God, and the Judeo-Christian tradition attributes all our suffering's to original sin. Freudians say that unhappiness is the inevitable result of the clash between our natural drives and civilization's needs...The Yogis, however, say that human discontentment is a simple case of mistaken identity. We're miserable because we thinking that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentments and mortality. We wrongly believe that our limited little egos constitute our whole entire nature. We have filed to recognize our deeper divine character. We don't realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exits a supreme Self who is eternally at peace. That supreme Self is our true identity, universal and divine." (pg. 122)
"Yoga is about self-mastery and the dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your nonstop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself and your surroundings with poise...The Yogis believe a human life is a very special opportunity, because only in a human form and only with a human mind can God-realization ever occur. The turnips, the bedbugs, the coral - they never get a chance to find out who they really are. But we do have that chance." (pg. 122-123)
"You are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do you rest in this moment...If you're looking for union with the divine, this kind of forward/backward whirling is a problem. There's a reason they call God a presence- because God is right here, right now. In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time." (pg. 132)
"Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine...Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship - a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequences. Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny; he's a little of both." (pg. 177)
"Beauty attracts beauty." (pg. 85)
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted - an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Son you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore - despite the fact you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free)." (pg. 20-21)
"Generally speaking, though, Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment-seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one. Americans spend billions to keep themselves amused with everything from porn to theme parks to wars, but that's not exactly the same thing as quiet enjoyment. Americans work harder and longer and more stressful hours than anyone in the world today. But...we seem to like it. Alarming statistics back this observation up, showing that many Americans feel more happy and fulfilled in their offices than they do in their own homes...Americans don't really know how to do nothing. This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype - the overstressed executive who goes on vacation, but who cannot relax." (pg. 61)
If you can read through this entry, thank you, and go pick up the book.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
"We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something." (pg. 277)
"There is so much of my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction...I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life - whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can't rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I'm feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook)...And most of all, I can choose my thoughts." (pg. 177)
"I have searched frantically for contentment for so many years in so many ways, and all these acquisitions and accomplishments - they run you down in the end. Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time - when pursued like a bandit - will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you...you gotta let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you." (pg. 155)
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings." (pg. 260)
"I tell her how she has to let go, man, how she's gotta learn that everything is just perfect as it is already, that the universe provides, baby." (pg. 297)
"Sex is funny...Make people do funny things...at the beginning of love. Wanting too much happiness, to much pleasure, until you make yourself sick. Lose balance...To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." (pg. 298)
"...all the pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define our experience and those words bring attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras (I'm a failure... I'm lonely... I'm a failure...) and we become monuments to them. " (pg. 325)
"After all, baby, remember what they say - sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." (pg. 189)
"I knew that i was not finished for good, that my anger, my sadness and my shame would all creep back eventually, escaping my heart, and occupying my head once more. I knew that I would have to keep dealing with these thoughts again and again until I slowly and determinedly changed my whole life. And that this would be difficult and exhausting to do." (pg. 328)
"You ego's job isn't to serve you. Its only job is to keep itself in power...So your ego's fighting for its life, playing with your mind, trying to assert its authority, trying to keep you cornered off in a holding pen away from the rest of the universe. Don't listen to it." (pg. 140)
"And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin' her way" (pg. 151)
"You make some big grandiose decision about what you need to do, or who you need to be, and then circumstances arise that immediately reveal to you how little you understood about yourself." (pg. 191)
"Over the centuries, people have tried to hold on to that state of blissful perfection through all sorts of external means - through drugs and sex and power and adrenaline and the accumulation of pretty things - but it doesn't keep. We search for happiness everywhere...Your treasure - your perfection - is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart." (pg. 197)
"The other objective of religion, of course, is to try to make sense of our chaotic world and explain the inexplicabilities we see playing our here on earth every day: the innocent suffer, the wicked are rewarded - what are we to make of all this? ... The best we can do, then, in response to our incomprehensible and dangerous world, is to practice holding equilibrium internally - no matter what insanity is transpiring out there." (pg. 206)
This is for Kuya Charlton: "Traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt...to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal an constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless newborn baby - I just don't care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it's mine." (pg. 41)
"But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas present for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." (pg. 65)
"He says all Americans are like this: repressed. Which makes them dangerous and potentially deadly when they do blow up." (pg. 58)
"My mother has made choices in her life, as we all must, and she is at peace with them. I can see her peace...Maybe some things were sacrificed, and my dad made his sacrifices, too - but who amongst us lives without sacrifice? And the question now for me is, What are my choices to be? What do I believe that i deserve in this life? Where can I accept sacrifice, and where can I not?" (pg. 83)
"To find the balance you want...you must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God." (pg. 27)
"[Heaven is] Beautiful. Everything beautiful is there. Every person beautiful is there. Everything beautiful to eat is there. Everything is love there. Heaven is love." (pg. 261)
"Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." (pg. 285)
"Different school of thought over the centuries have found different explanations for man's apparently inherently flawed state. Taoists call it imbalance, Buddism calls it ignorance, Islam blames our misery on rebellion against God, and the Judeo-Christian tradition attributes all our suffering's to original sin. Freudians say that unhappiness is the inevitable result of the clash between our natural drives and civilization's needs...The Yogis, however, say that human discontentment is a simple case of mistaken identity. We're miserable because we thinking that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentments and mortality. We wrongly believe that our limited little egos constitute our whole entire nature. We have filed to recognize our deeper divine character. We don't realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exits a supreme Self who is eternally at peace. That supreme Self is our true identity, universal and divine." (pg. 122)
"Yoga is about self-mastery and the dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your nonstop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself and your surroundings with poise...The Yogis believe a human life is a very special opportunity, because only in a human form and only with a human mind can God-realization ever occur. The turnips, the bedbugs, the coral - they never get a chance to find out who they really are. But we do have that chance." (pg. 122-123)
"You are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do you rest in this moment...If you're looking for union with the divine, this kind of forward/backward whirling is a problem. There's a reason they call God a presence- because God is right here, right now. In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time." (pg. 132)
"Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine...Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship - a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequences. Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny; he's a little of both." (pg. 177)
"Beauty attracts beauty." (pg. 85)
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted - an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Son you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore - despite the fact you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free)." (pg. 20-21)
"Generally speaking, though, Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment-seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one. Americans spend billions to keep themselves amused with everything from porn to theme parks to wars, but that's not exactly the same thing as quiet enjoyment. Americans work harder and longer and more stressful hours than anyone in the world today. But...we seem to like it. Alarming statistics back this observation up, showing that many Americans feel more happy and fulfilled in their offices than they do in their own homes...Americans don't really know how to do nothing. This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype - the overstressed executive who goes on vacation, but who cannot relax." (pg. 61)
2.17.2008
Rain drops on roses...
-waking up alone in an empty, sunny, bright apt on a Saturday morning
-catching up w/ your girlfriends
-knowing one drink can totally relax you
-that soreness your body/muscle feels letting you know you had a great workout the day before
-Joaquin showering me w/ kisses
-hugs
-"my boys" finishing my food when I'm full
-buying new shoes you really like :P
-the calm feeling that overcomes you when you are walking under an umbrella while torrential rain is pouring on the streets of NYC (of course having rain boots and no wind make this calming, otherwise, it would just be a disaster)
These are a few of my favorite things...
-catching up w/ your girlfriends
-knowing one drink can totally relax you
-that soreness your body/muscle feels letting you know you had a great workout the day before
-Joaquin showering me w/ kisses
-hugs
-"my boys" finishing my food when I'm full
-buying new shoes you really like :P
-the calm feeling that overcomes you when you are walking under an umbrella while torrential rain is pouring on the streets of NYC (of course having rain boots and no wind make this calming, otherwise, it would just be a disaster)
These are a few of my favorite things...
Lauren Hill sinus infection
So the doctor says I have a sinus infection. This is supposedly to explain why I've been sick for over a month. I am now done with my 3-day antibiotics. Let's hope this works.
Lauren Hill should come back out with an album. A really good album. As good, if not better, than the "Miseducation of Lauren Hill".
Lauren Hill should come back out with an album. A really good album. As good, if not better, than the "Miseducation of Lauren Hill".
2.16.2008
Men doing dishes = Love
Sharing with you an article my coworker found: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23015839/
Excerpt:
"When a man is willing to step up to the plate - and wash it for you -
you're going to think about him in a very different way. It's not just
that he's domesticated. It's that he recognizes that these things have
to get done. That they're not just automatically going to be done for
him. And that's hot."
Excerpt:
"When a man is willing to step up to the plate - and wash it for you -
you're going to think about him in a very different way. It's not just
that he's domesticated. It's that he recognizes that these things have
to get done. That they're not just automatically going to be done for
him. And that's hot."
conversations
Below are a collection of some interesting/fuuny conversations (had or heard).
Anonymity remains. Some info was omitted for privacy reasons.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: Its important for mgrs to stand up for you, but its equally imp't they let you stand up for yourself -- that they give you wings to fly and not shelter you so much. Too much sheltering and protecting makes someone weaker than you think. Once on their own, how will they learn to walk by themselves, you know? (No more training wheels) You need to fail in order to succeed. You need to have a tough outer skin… and that's something achieved when ppl are forced to stand up for themselves. Again, there's 2 sides to the balance scale. I have too much of a weight on one side -- its not balanced. *sigh*.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: It could also be growing pains…You realize new feelings you've never felt before or things that have bothered you that normally wouldn't. Sometimes this thing called "Life" happens", and it makes us feel utterly miserable. But the human mind is strong. We overcome more than we credit ourselves.
I'd say, as a temporary solution to feeling better, weigh it out… do the good things in your life outweigh the bad? If so, that's a good start. I've heard that some women don't find true happiness and contentment in their life until they've reached 30 or 40 or even 50. Scary, right? But our 20s are supposed to be the awkward years… finding ourself, realizations, feelings, adulthood.
Person B: But I’m normally a happy person… no not really I’m normally an unhappy person who’s expression is happy.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: See... It goes to show, when someone gets caught up in complaints, they forget to see the other not-so-bad things in another person. I think if other couples were to think about the "scales of balance", there'd be less complaints in a relationship.
It's weird how humans sometimes forget to detect some of the silver linings within our own lives, but its easier when you are an observer.
Person B: Yes, I completely agree...that is why you have to surround yourself with objective friends who can see the way you act and give you feedback, and not be afraid of your outburst if they touch a nerve
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: I don’t have money to spend, so that’s how I get myself into debt! *sigh…
Person B: ...I don't even have enough money to spend!!! (crying outloud!)
Person C: Let me add my sad story to this list:
- I've been sick for 1.5 months
- I can't get along w/ animals, which causes me to over-analyze that I absolutely cannot have children.
Note: Life is good. These were complaints for laughs. well, sorta. :P
Anonymity remains. Some info was omitted for privacy reasons.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: Its important for mgrs to stand up for you, but its equally imp't they let you stand up for yourself -- that they give you wings to fly and not shelter you so much. Too much sheltering and protecting makes someone weaker than you think. Once on their own, how will they learn to walk by themselves, you know? (No more training wheels) You need to fail in order to succeed. You need to have a tough outer skin… and that's something achieved when ppl are forced to stand up for themselves. Again, there's 2 sides to the balance scale. I have too much of a weight on one side -- its not balanced. *sigh*.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: It could also be growing pains…You realize new feelings you've never felt before or things that have bothered you that normally wouldn't. Sometimes this thing called "Life" happens", and it makes us feel utterly miserable. But the human mind is strong. We overcome more than we credit ourselves.
I'd say, as a temporary solution to feeling better, weigh it out… do the good things in your life outweigh the bad? If so, that's a good start. I've heard that some women don't find true happiness and contentment in their life until they've reached 30 or 40 or even 50. Scary, right? But our 20s are supposed to be the awkward years… finding ourself, realizations, feelings, adulthood.
Person B: But I’m normally a happy person… no not really I’m normally an unhappy person who’s expression is happy.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: See... It goes to show, when someone gets caught up in complaints, they forget to see the other not-so-bad things in another person. I think if other couples were to think about the "scales of balance", there'd be less complaints in a relationship.
It's weird how humans sometimes forget to detect some of the silver linings within our own lives, but its easier when you are an observer.
Person B: Yes, I completely agree...that is why you have to surround yourself with objective friends who can see the way you act and give you feedback, and not be afraid of your outburst if they touch a nerve
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Person A: I don’t have money to spend, so that’s how I get myself into debt! *sigh…
Person B: ...I don't even have enough money to spend!!! (crying outloud!)
Person C: Let me add my sad story to this list:
- I've been sick for 1.5 months
- I can't get along w/ animals, which causes me to over-analyze that I absolutely cannot have children.
Note: Life is good. These were complaints for laughs. well, sorta. :P
2.14.2008
Happy Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentine's Day, people! Vday is over-rated, in my opinion. I'm sure singles aren't crazy for it. It's more for new couples b/c it would be cute to see what the other person does =) Trust me, my first vday w/ Joaquin was a production - dinner @ Little Italy's best Zagat rated restaurant, surprise flower delivery (w/ a teddy bear), expensive gourmet chocolates by Jacques Torres, and a RC Nissan NSX race car from me to him. Aww, I'm reminicing, sorry. hehe
However, as a "seasoned" (or married) couple, you already know you don't need one specific day in the year to express your appreciation for your significant other (its cute, but not necessary). Besides, the restaurants are too crowded and the flower prices get too expensive. If you want to romance me, COOK for me =P lol
I'm not saying this b/c I'm bitter about vday or whatever, b/c I've had a list of good and memorable vdays. But I guess I'm speaking from a more secure position. And anyway, my boog gave me my dark chocolates and cold medicine the other day, without any specific reason; just b/c he knew I love dark chocolates and the cold medicine b/c I was sick. =) And his vday card? It was a text that reads: "I love you too babe. Thanks for being you."
Enough said. I’m content. =)
Happy Birthday, Ate Edna! (Feb. 14)
Happy Birthday, Shell's abuelo! (Feb. 14)
However, as a "seasoned" (or married) couple, you already know you don't need one specific day in the year to express your appreciation for your significant other (its cute, but not necessary). Besides, the restaurants are too crowded and the flower prices get too expensive. If you want to romance me, COOK for me =P lol
I'm not saying this b/c I'm bitter about vday or whatever, b/c I've had a list of good and memorable vdays. But I guess I'm speaking from a more secure position. And anyway, my boog gave me my dark chocolates and cold medicine the other day, without any specific reason; just b/c he knew I love dark chocolates and the cold medicine b/c I was sick. =) And his vday card? It was a text that reads: "I love you too babe. Thanks for being you."
Enough said. I’m content. =)
Happy Birthday, Ate Edna! (Feb. 14)
Happy Birthday, Shell's abuelo! (Feb. 14)
First Times Part 2
1) 2/13 - Last night, I think I had what felt like my first (minor?) anxiety attack. But it could have been low blood pressure (which is strange b/c its high blood pressure that runs in my family). Despite a warm environment, I had cold and calmy hands and feet, heart racing, stomach in a knot (borderline nauseous), panicking over every little thing (I even began to panic that there were too many people on the train or worry why the train was delayed), mind racing, lungs & heart feeling like they will fail (which added to the panic, which is not good). Horrible, Horrible feeling.
I don't know what could have caused it:
-Lack of vitamins & minerals (this is why ppl have to eat healthy & conciously) - although I had a good and healthy breakfast and lunch
-Build-up of stress
-Sudden change (drop/surge) in hormones
-Low blood pressure (this is probably it b/c I'm really in denial this is anything serious)
What I do know:
-I'm glad to have called Joaquin's mom for advice and that Joaquin was there - attentive and concerned, and willing to take me to the hospital if needed. However, I was in mild denial that this was serious.
-I don't ever want to go through that again.
A few hours later....
2) My first religious epiphany (well, sorta).
With so many questions around me regarding faith and who I turn to in times of need and desperation, it gets a little hectic with my emotions. It plays with my emotions. But during a wedding rehersal I couldn't keep my eyes off the couple and see how much in love he still is with his bride and how beautiful she looks smiling and nervous. Then I looked up at the very top of the wall behind the altar and read: May Almighty God Bless You, The Father and the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
I read those few words and that was all it took to extinguish most of the heavy-burden anxiety in me. Even for just that moment. I got a long way to go but I’m so content to be able to believe in something this strong that it had the ability to calm me in a split second - faster than any pill, meditation, or therapy can do. For this, my faith is unwavering. That no matter how bad things get, I'm almost (hey, it ain't perfect) sure I will still believe and still be thankful. For this I am grateful.
Amen.
3) Me FINALLY being at peace with my crazy thoughts since God-knows-when. Its called divine intervention. LOL, No, I dunno. But I'm at a better state than I was 2 weeks ago (*knock on wood* lets not go back to that evil place again). It took me awhile (with much psychoness) to get me to this place, that even if its lasts only for a moment, at least I've reached it (and I've saved a few strands of sanity/tears/eye bags/etc).
I don't know what could have caused it:
-Lack of vitamins & minerals (this is why ppl have to eat healthy & conciously) - although I had a good and healthy breakfast and lunch
-Build-up of stress
-Sudden change (drop/surge) in hormones
-Low blood pressure (this is probably it b/c I'm really in denial this is anything serious)
What I do know:
-I'm glad to have called Joaquin's mom for advice and that Joaquin was there - attentive and concerned, and willing to take me to the hospital if needed. However, I was in mild denial that this was serious.
-I don't ever want to go through that again.
A few hours later....
2) My first religious epiphany (well, sorta).
With so many questions around me regarding faith and who I turn to in times of need and desperation, it gets a little hectic with my emotions. It plays with my emotions. But during a wedding rehersal I couldn't keep my eyes off the couple and see how much in love he still is with his bride and how beautiful she looks smiling and nervous. Then I looked up at the very top of the wall behind the altar and read: May Almighty God Bless You, The Father and the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
I read those few words and that was all it took to extinguish most of the heavy-burden anxiety in me. Even for just that moment. I got a long way to go but I’m so content to be able to believe in something this strong that it had the ability to calm me in a split second - faster than any pill, meditation, or therapy can do. For this, my faith is unwavering. That no matter how bad things get, I'm almost (hey, it ain't perfect) sure I will still believe and still be thankful. For this I am grateful.
Amen.
3) Me FINALLY being at peace with my crazy thoughts since God-knows-when. Its called divine intervention. LOL, No, I dunno. But I'm at a better state than I was 2 weeks ago (*knock on wood* lets not go back to that evil place again). It took me awhile (with much psychoness) to get me to this place, that even if its lasts only for a moment, at least I've reached it (and I've saved a few strands of sanity/tears/eye bags/etc).
2.12.2008
Happiness
Today, on my way home, as I came out of the train station, I asked myself "what makes me happy?"
My answer: A slice of plain cheese pizza.
And that's exactly what I had after coming out of the train station, right before I headed home.
Maybe if we asked ourselves this everyday or at least once a week, maybe we might be happier in life.
My answer: A slice of plain cheese pizza.
And that's exactly what I had after coming out of the train station, right before I headed home.
Maybe if we asked ourselves this everyday or at least once a week, maybe we might be happier in life.
2.07.2008
Conversations just like my Dad
A conversation I picture my Dad and I having, however, this was between Joaquin and I (the other night):
Me: What do you picture me as in my future career?
J: something in fashionMe: [puzzled look in my face and speechless]
Me: Why??J: Cuz you have good fashion sense
[that was cute part - my man thinking I have good fashion sense lol]Me: so you like the way I dress?
J: YesMe: [silently smiling inside] But don't you think I have slightly stronger traits than fashion, especially since I'm not into fashion at all like that (think the Devil Wears Prada fashion world or Project Runway)
J: [silence]Me: Hello! Don't you see how I like organizing and how well I do it?!
J: yeaahhh…Me: [made an exasperated sigh and turned around] =)
J: You're good at analyzing stuff
Me: [thinking he must be referring to my over-analysis of stuff which causes arguments lol, or my current position as BA]Me: [made another exasperated sigh and turned around again] =)
2.05.2008
Scorpio woman
Something funny my co-worker emailed me (who is another fellow scorpio):
Scorpio woman:
She's a human X-ray machine, so don't flirt. Unless you mean business, you're wasting her time and insulting her. I wouldn't advise you to insult a Scorpio. It's just not healthy. If you don't know what I mean, ask someone who has. He may have some stories to tell that will curl your hair.
....
Just ask them men we work with... they've felt our wrath once we have put them in their place =P I think it's safe to say we've been insulted without them even knowing it! lol. boys will be boys.
It's weird. I can smell bullshit, even while its spilling from the person's mouth, but I won't do or say anything about it. Yet. I'll "keep in on file" for certain reasons. So they can just continue talking it up, looking straight into my eyes, where they think I'm lapping up their b.s. like a thirsty dog. Wrong. So wrong. O=)
Scorpio woman:
She's a human X-ray machine, so don't flirt. Unless you mean business, you're wasting her time and insulting her. I wouldn't advise you to insult a Scorpio. It's just not healthy. If you don't know what I mean, ask someone who has. He may have some stories to tell that will curl your hair.
....
Just ask them men we work with... they've felt our wrath once we have put them in their place =P I think it's safe to say we've been insulted without them even knowing it! lol. boys will be boys.
It's weird. I can smell bullshit, even while its spilling from the person's mouth, but I won't do or say anything about it. Yet. I'll "keep in on file" for certain reasons. So they can just continue talking it up, looking straight into my eyes, where they think I'm lapping up their b.s. like a thirsty dog. Wrong. So wrong. O=)
2.04.2008
Anti-Now
From CNN: "President Bush introduced a $3.1 trillion budget on Monday that supports sizable increases in military spending to fight the war on terrorism and protects his signature tax cuts."
Wow. He truly is an imbecile.
And the winning statement for the biggest lie of all: ""Two key principles guided the development of my budget -- keeping America safe and ensuring our continued prosperity," Bush said in his budget message to Congress. "As commander in chief, my highest priority is the security of the American people.""
Safe. Prosperity. Security. Words I don't relate with George W. Bush.
The country's debt is bigger than ever, I imagine.
Economy is heading towards a recession, I see.
Bush wouldn't send his daughters/grandchildren to war, as far as I can guess, so what's the deal w/ continued support and spending on the war. Aren't we out of troops who have died, commited suicide (attempted suicide), or just want to go home already?!?! We haven't even found Bin Laden!!!! (or some would like to argue the gov't knows where he is and no one is going to tell)
Source: http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/02/04/bush.budget.ap/index.html
Wow. He truly is an imbecile.
And the winning statement for the biggest lie of all: ""Two key principles guided the development of my budget -- keeping America safe and ensuring our continued prosperity," Bush said in his budget message to Congress. "As commander in chief, my highest priority is the security of the American people.""
Safe. Prosperity. Security. Words I don't relate with George W. Bush.
The country's debt is bigger than ever, I imagine.
Economy is heading towards a recession, I see.
Bush wouldn't send his daughters/grandchildren to war, as far as I can guess, so what's the deal w/ continued support and spending on the war. Aren't we out of troops who have died, commited suicide (attempted suicide), or just want to go home already?!?! We haven't even found Bin Laden!!!! (or some would like to argue the gov't knows where he is and no one is going to tell)
Source: http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/02/04/bush.budget.ap/index.html
Go Big Blue!
My Giants won!!
I'm so glad I got sick enough to stay home the whole weekend, and I got to watch the entire game - commercials and all. Football is my favorite sport, but too bad I don't watch it too much. At least I watch it when it matters, like when the Giants win the super bowl ;)
I'm SOOOO Proud of them!! They worked so hard and have always been the underdogs.
It was my nephew, Joaquin, and myself in front of my 52-inch. Wow. No wonder guys like big screen plasma tvs... Everything looks so clear! And big! Lol, you can tell I barely spend time in the living room =P I even finished my Heinekin.
Go Big Blue!
Then to "celebrate" Joaquin and I headed to Wendy's drive-thru. Oh boy. I scarfed down my spicy chicken sandwich and he inhaled his bacon cheesburger, and this was after 11pm. We were munching on tums after =/ but that's the fun part... taking off and heading to wherever you want to eat/buy whatever you want just to complain right after =)
I'm so glad I got sick enough to stay home the whole weekend, and I got to watch the entire game - commercials and all. Football is my favorite sport, but too bad I don't watch it too much. At least I watch it when it matters, like when the Giants win the super bowl ;)
I'm SOOOO Proud of them!! They worked so hard and have always been the underdogs.
It was my nephew, Joaquin, and myself in front of my 52-inch. Wow. No wonder guys like big screen plasma tvs... Everything looks so clear! And big! Lol, you can tell I barely spend time in the living room =P I even finished my Heinekin.
Go Big Blue!
Then to "celebrate" Joaquin and I headed to Wendy's drive-thru. Oh boy. I scarfed down my spicy chicken sandwich and he inhaled his bacon cheesburger, and this was after 11pm. We were munching on tums after =/ but that's the fun part... taking off and heading to wherever you want to eat/buy whatever you want just to complain right after =)
2.02.2008
Ticking Time Bomb
Changed my blog title. If you really know me, then you'd know this title fits. Perfectly. ;)
Well, actually, I can't take all the credit. I asked my cousin to describe me in 3 words (in preparation of an interview), and he said "ticking time bomb". He's right.
I can't help but think: was it the right path I took when that fork in the road came before me? Can't we walk backwards (not rewind) and choose the other road to satisfy the curiosity of "what if's"?
Well, actually, I can't take all the credit. I asked my cousin to describe me in 3 words (in preparation of an interview), and he said "ticking time bomb". He's right.
I can't help but think: was it the right path I took when that fork in the road came before me? Can't we walk backwards (not rewind) and choose the other road to satisfy the curiosity of "what if's"?
Fais...
ok ok ok... Fais is right: FIRST it's the Potato, THEN the Eggplant. Eggplant stays, nukka!! LOL
And keep on reading, keep on commenting, and stop by if you are serious about reading "The Pillars of the Earth"... it's like Wu-tang, "ain't nuthin' to fuck wit". =D
Love to Love you
And keep on reading, keep on commenting, and stop by if you are serious about reading "The Pillars of the Earth"... it's like Wu-tang, "ain't nuthin' to fuck wit". =D
Love to Love you
2.01.2008
A lot of crap...
And I present to you "random ramblings". A collection of all these thoughts and feelings and opinions I've written down or thought about in the most random occassions and places. I've just consolidated all of them now.
Enjoy my craziness. =)
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In another life, I want to believe I was a writer.
In another life, I AM a writer.
1/9/08
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It's all about the BACON.
-Dunkin Donuts advertisement
It really is all about the BACON. MMMmm..
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Things I find annoying:
1) Why do people in the trains make a mad dash for the doors, but once they open and start climbing stairs, they are dumb slow (create traffic, make ppl late/later, make impatient ppl more impatient)?! If you're gonna practically push ppl out of the way to get out of the train but hold up the entire traffic flow, then you might as well wait until all the fast/hurried people get out first! This is NYC -- NOTHING is slow!
2) To have people rain on your parade: destroy your motivation or challenge your confidence w/ a single email, kill your excitement with a comment (whether its verbal/email/online), lecture you when that's not their place. Leave me alone.
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Eggplant Potato, then Eggplant, is my favorite veggie. yep.
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I'm a big fan of finding the silver lining; The glass is always half full for me. But Sometimes, a girl just needs to be mad, and it'll melt away on its own time.
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Random thought: Would I have been better off as a publisher???
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Its like I try to occupy my mind at all times b/c thinking can make me crazy. First it was the gym, but after the gym, my mind was still active, so I had to "exercise my mind" and pick up a book.
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My hunger annoys me!!I hate the way I am hungry ALL the time and when I get overly hungry, I get cranky! Geeez!
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I have I.M.S ... Irritable Mood Syndrome. And I want a bacon cheeseburger!
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When feelings of lonliness or being alone creep up, I have to realize I'm really not alone. Everything happens for a reason. Everything. I just need this affirmation when some things go bad.
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What a masochist I am: coming to work with a HORRIBLE cold. =/ I feel miserable (2/1/08)
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Happy Birthday, Kuya Elcid! (Feb. 1)
Enjoy my craziness. =)
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In another life, I AM a writer.
1/9/08
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
It's all about the BACON.
-Dunkin Donuts advertisement
It really is all about the BACON. MMMmm..
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Things I find annoying:
1) Why do people in the trains make a mad dash for the doors, but once they open and start climbing stairs, they are dumb slow (create traffic, make ppl late/later, make impatient ppl more impatient)?! If you're gonna practically push ppl out of the way to get out of the train but hold up the entire traffic flow, then you might as well wait until all the fast/hurried people get out first! This is NYC -- NOTHING is slow!
2) To have people rain on your parade: destroy your motivation or challenge your confidence w/ a single email, kill your excitement with a comment (whether its verbal/email/online), lecture you when that's not their place. Leave me alone.
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I'm a big fan of finding the silver lining; The glass is always half full for me. But Sometimes, a girl just needs to be mad, and it'll melt away on its own time.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Random thought: Would I have been better off as a publisher???
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Its like I try to occupy my mind at all times b/c thinking can make me crazy. First it was the gym, but after the gym, my mind was still active, so I had to "exercise my mind" and pick up a book.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
My hunger annoys me!!I hate the way I am hungry ALL the time and when I get overly hungry, I get cranky! Geeez!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
I have I.M.S ... Irritable Mood Syndrome. And I want a bacon cheeseburger!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
When feelings of lonliness or being alone creep up, I have to realize I'm really not alone. Everything happens for a reason. Everything. I just need this affirmation when some things go bad.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
What a masochist I am: coming to work with a HORRIBLE cold. =/ I feel miserable (2/1/08)
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Happy Birthday, Kuya Elcid! (Feb. 1)