HYPER

People like that make you realize that you are nothing! Wait, let me try to explain this one:

You admire someone (talent, philosophy, outlook, etc.) so much (maybe because you'd like to think it mirrors yours or it is something you'd want to achieve) that it gives you this feeling of complete restlessness from just standing still. You feel pure adrenaline of a different kind flowing through your veins because there is something bigger (and better) than little, stressful, insignificant thoughts. It is the "big picture" that you feel. You cannot see it. You just feel it. You know it's there, and you know you want it. You don't know how, who, what, where to start. You scream in your head "WHAT AM I DOING?!". There's something out there waiting for you! This THING. This feeling. It touches and kind of teases you. You don't know what to do with yourself when it does touch you and you don't know what to do with the feeling other than feel anxious and restless and all this is going on IN YOUR HEAD! You want someone to share this with you, to feel what you're feel, but then again, NO. You don't want anyone to invade this. This is all yours for this tiny little moment while it lasts because you know it won't last as the real world takes over again. Here's the thing, REALITY CAN BE WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT IT TO BE. (Hm, it would be cool if someone did share this feeling with you because maybe someone will be the crutch or just give you a really strong, hard PUSH)

You're grateful for the present and all the blessings that come along with it, but moments like this make you want that cosmic change that makes you a BETTER person. Better or Happier? Both? Could be, but I believe there are 'checks and balances'. That's another post, I won't explain that one right now.

You want to do things you've always wanted to do (or things you haven't even given thought about), you want to do it well, YOU WANT TO DO THINGS. You want to FEEL things. Be ALIVE. SOMETHING.

Now, how do I put that LIFE into life?

Presently...

Do you know those moments in life where you KNOW what you have to do, you know what the end-result is (more or less), but you are stuck standing in the same place, completely immobile or waiting for a convenient opportunity/catalyst that will trigger that change which is right, needed, required? Well, I'm at that place. Frozen. For the time-being. Hopefully. I'm just wondering where I'll get the balls to move one foot in front of the other... and call it a day.

[Right now Alicia is helping me distract myself from thinking about this way too much than I already have]

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Exhausted

It's been awhile, but I'm too tired to write because it's late and I have to go wake up early tomorrow and hope that this week will be truly kind to me, especially since I've already got so much shit going though my head where its actually a melting pot of a lot of emotions and crap, good and bad, cool and sucky and I am just so exhausted from feeling, thinking, doing, listening, analyzing, explaining, absorbing that this post will just be one big run-on because run-ons are cool and I learned that through my unsuspecting niece who wrote like it was a musical crescendo whether she did it intentionally or not but that was the effect I got and that is the current state of my mind, although I took a delicious nap today that sorta kinda felt like it was induced by a horse tranquilizer (which probably was just the pizza) and I had to recover by drinking copious amounts of tea. But really, I hope this week will be truly kind to me.