Selfish

Do you ever feel like you do more than the other person (whether it is a friend, spouse, bf/gf, etc.)? As if you put in waaaay more effort than is being returned? Maybe effort is not the word, maybe it's consideration or thought. Even small things matter. "It is better to give than to receive". Bleh. If you keep giving and receive not-as-much, the scales are unbalanced and so will be your mood. My eyebrows crease in the middle and I immediately think "why am I doing this for so-and-so if no one will think of doing that for me?".  Yes, that's a selfish moment for me. So what. I'm selfish. There, I said it. But dang it, I give so much more than I can't begin to justify it, nor will I. This quote is perfect:

"But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas present for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." (-Eat, Pray, Love)

ANYWAY...
Last night was my last class and final presentation of Business Communication, aka, public speaking.  Being nervous the whole day drains me. I fell asleep for an hour with the candle on. Smart. For the next 2.5 weeks, I'm class-free. There are so many things I can do for myself! I'm going to start by reading a magazine and taking a nap. Whoa, watch out, I better not have too much fun now.